link love

i feel a little bit ashamed that i feel this way, but my past few days have been rough. my kitty lexi had surgery to remove a tumor and i have been wedding dress shopping, wherein i discover that i am the pickiest, most-difficult-to-please woman ever. i feel justified that if i am going to spend hundreds of dollars on a dress i will wear once (twice if you count the day-after photo shoot) i might as well love it.

anyway, i don't have any lovely photos to share with you, or any art for that matter. :( so i will instead leave you with the blog post that made my day. my friend jessica is about the funniest blogger i have ever read. take 5 minutes and read this post, i promise you won't be disappointed. click below:

yo jmo!

wish day winner.

the winner of the hope print is number 13!

congrats debbie.

matisse.

fearless.

one of my many assignments in my art class, this "painting" is supposed to describe, using primary colors and other techniques, the opposite of how i feel at this moment.

though i do not feel brave, i see myself moving in bigger and bolder steps. sorry i have been m.i.a. recently. that is partially as a result of some of those steps. i moved out of my house into an apartment. although there are some setbacks (such as no internet access), i am so incredibly thankful.

i'm taking this class and challenging myself artistically.

i'm asking God for peace and trust as we wait to find out what me lifelong companion (my kitty Lexi) has that is causing her to be sick.

i'm talking with joseph about all the possibilities for the future. and even asking God to help me be open to the things i feel i don't want to do.

but even while i do these things, i definitely don't feel brave.

and i hope this one is the beginning of where i'm going...

wishes!

today is a day of celebration for me! for 7 years now, my sweet friend kelsey and i have been entranced by this wonderful day.

from here on out, we listen to christmas music, decorate our homes in the christmas spirit, and drink lots of starbucks holiday drinks. and i strongly encourage you to do the same!

good things always happen on november 11th. 11/11. 11:11 is the only time where all the same numbers fill up the screen. every time i see 11:11 (a.m. or p.m.) i make a wish. and november 11th is always filled with sweetness for me and those around me.

today i want to share some of my wishes.

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i wish for satisfaction in Him alone who is my creator.

i wish for peace.

i wish for artistic inspiration to overflow.

i wish for that gift to be used in ways to minister and grow others.

i wish for sweetness in my upcoming marriage.

i wish for joseph to be overcome with passion for something he loves to do.

i wish to live out love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

i wish to grow more in hope.

i wish for vision for joseph and i.

i wish many things for my dear friend melissa.

i wish for an endless supply of queso.

i wish for freedom from financial stress (not that i would have tons of money, but that whatever my situation, i would have peace).

i wish that those who come to my wedding would clearly see hope, freedom, and Jesus.

i wish to be in a land of beauty.

i wish to be fluent in french (i know you have heard this nonstop from me).

i wish to learn so much from my upcoming art class.

i wish to mold into more selflessness.

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im taking the day off to rejoice in this day and in future days to come.

celebrate with me today! comment with a wish or wishes before november 22 (11 days from now) and win a 5x5 print of my photograph "hope along the journey."

orange leaves.

i don't know if anyone can relate to this. but i love a good cleansing and releasing of my discoveries about myself. i guess that is part of the reason i started this blog. i thought maybe there were other people who saw things the same way, or could at least understand a little bit of what goes on in and around me. i hoped that maybe i could gain insight from my own thoughts and maybe that some others could gain some insight as well.

all this to say, i recognize the mess of self that consumes me.

i like things organized. neat. tidy. and i'd like to think of myself the same way. i try to blog sometimes to organize my feelings, to put them out there, in the public display window, in a neat and orderly fashion.

but if i've discovered anything, it's that inside, i am a dusty, haphazard mess.

i have passions stacked here and there, desires strewn about, and baggage that takes up more space than i wish it would.

i am a paradox of wanting to stand out and wanting to fit in.

i am a black sheep trying to dye its fur white.

i was raised a princess and now try to fit into the life of a pauper (inevitably, with lots of friction).

i want stability and i want unbound freedom. i want what i want, but i want to be selfless.




many of you have joined my journey in discovering where i fit best, post-college. you have read about my excitements and my woes, and labored with me over every decision.

try as i might to have some sort of normality and organization in my life, desires, and feelings- i can't get there. i can't even write to you about what is churning inside of me. usually, i can pretty well figure it out and blog about it. but this time, there is too much. months and months of life things are woven together into a sticky web that i can't control or even quite see.

so really, what i have to say is that i am in a constant struggle against this mess of self. my daily selfishness and sense of entitlement are burdens. and to take that burden one step further, i usually respond in self-deprecation, which is just another form of self-absorption.

and if nothing else, i am seeing more and more truth and praying that God will help me see past myself and start growing in new ways.

ps- seattle was amazing. the bright oranges and reds of the leaves still have my head swimming.

vision.

i've been itching to blog today and marylyn's post pushed me over the edge. (it is really a wonderful post about embracing who you are created to be).

on the same note, her post is yet another word of encouragement for those who are creators to keep doing what they are doing. for the past few months, i have either read something or been told by someone to continue to create art at least once a week. how can i not be convinced that is the direction i am to head?

one thing on my mind today is vision. i've been praying and hoping to be led forward, to know where i am going. but one thing i haven't been asking for is vision. vision for my life. vision for my art. vision for my marriage. vision for the kind of person i am going to become.

and i want that vision, desperately.

sorry for this pitiful copy of my sketch.

but i am beginning to run in the direction i want to go. i started reading the creative call by janice elsheimer. it's a book about responding to the talents given to us by God as artists. its the first overtly christian book i've happily picked up in years. i've also signed up for an online art class from my favorite artist, misty mawn. i cannot begin to express my excitement and gratitude for this opportunity. misty truly is wonderful.



daily things are hard right now because i rarely come across alone time, 6:30 a.m. practically kills me, and i have no private, me-space for creating. these are things that i hope will change soon. and some of the must if i am going to really soak up everything i can from my art class.
my art supplies are still scattered about various parts of the old house i am living in. i don't feel very peaceful about it, but until something changes, there isn't much i can do. nov. 14th is when class starts and that is approaching verrrrry quickly.

today, in sharing my life with my wonderful comm group leader, she urged me to focus on not what i want to do, but who i want to be. and that during this season, it is imperative that i remember to take each day as it comes. when i wake up every morning, it is the time to embrace that day. to be present while at the same time asking for vision for the future.

so forward in these things i must go.